(S)ave (E)nergy (X)

 Is it unrealistic to ask if you “have” time and energy for regular intimacy?  In this post I will address factors that improved our relationship regarding a subject that’s taboo but so vital to long-term relationship survival: relationship intimacy and sex.

It is crucial to separate time and energy for sex.  Your partner’s engagement in your hobby has nothing to do with fulfilling your responsibility by genuinely making each other a priority.

No we did not meet as “athletes” at all! Our first date was a bar crawl on a weeknight.

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30 day challenge: 5k everyday under 20 min

Every year, I participated in my USA triathlon winter mileage challenge event. It is to swim, bike, run as much as you can. Pace doesn’t matter. I put myself into the hole building these miles, and what hurt more than my injuries, was the fact that people were counting walk miles for run miles!  This time, I made my own challenge, based on effort.  My 5k PR is 18:24, but that was 2 years ago. Everyone wants to get faster, otherwise they get demotivated and quit sport when they do not perform as before.  This year many critical errors, slowed me down that even cracking 20 min in the 5k was a struggle.  So the challenge was set: 30 days of 5k everyday under 20 minute.  Most were on the treadmill at *1 grade.  This would require me to drop my mileage and focus on the goal.


Day 1: 19:50
Day 2: 20:15 (3.37 mi 6min/mile)
Day 3: 18:48
Day 4: 19:21
Day 5: 18:36
Day 6: 19:06
Day 7: 18:44
Day 8: 19:18 (track)
Day 9: 19:01
Day 10: 19:42 (3.2mi)
Day 11: 19:18 – 5k road race
day 12: 19:33
day 13: 19:36
day 14: 18:31
day 15: 18:43
day 16: 19:43 (3.15mi)
day 17: 18:53
day 18: 18:36
day 19: 19:38 (3.2mi)
day 20: 19:42 (3.25mi)
day 21: 19:01 – 5k road race
day 22: 18:49
day 23: 19:16
day 24: 18:33
day 25: 18:51
day 26: 18:44
day 27: 19:11
day 28: 19:40 ( treadmill turned off for 15s! read 19:58 on it.. close one !)
day 29: 18:47
day 30: 18:24 – PR attempt, tie. I will take it!

last day

Many of the 18 min runs, music really helped – as it drowned out all the coughing and hacking i do. (I am asthmatic) . Entire point of this effort was to relearn pacing, and fix my run form. Phase 2 will be extending the distance beyond 5k at similar pace … but every other day or so.






California International Marathon – 5 years later

Five years ago when I was 30 years old, I did the 30th annual California International Marathon in a serious attempt to Boston Qualify. Unfortunately flooding rain that year created deep rivers on the road that I missed the mark by 5 minutes.  It is a decent course if the weather is good (slight downhill, but running into a headwind makes up for it). Eventually I got the BQ goal at another race.

Fast forward 5 years into the future, where I and the race turn 35.  This year is special, the USATF marathon championships means you have fast runners to chase.  Many people Bessy and I know from San Diego were going – yea, we caught the FOMO bug.  This is also a good chance for Bessy to shoot for a PR, as she is having a stellar year (she just P.R.ed in the half 2 weeks ago and ran a marathon the next day! 1:26 / 3:11 ).

Personally I had no hardcore goal in mind, as I already have run sub 3 marathon 5 times before, but it doesn’t mean I wont try!  I set a few up (A = PR, B = sub 3, C = young man BQ, D = old man BQ, F = just finish).  For training I used the same high volume formulas as before.  Now I need to reveal, I was a bit underweight coming into this… since Carlsbad Marathon earlier in the year.  My fatal error was being underweight and doing some intense workouts that led me to have red urine, aka rhabdo.

That is a sign of of muscles being used for fuel, instead of propelling you forward.  So don’t believe that losing weight will always make you faster, there is a limit, especially if you are lean already.  This is what cost Meb Keflezighi a year for the NYC marathon, where he was terribly injured thanks to trying to reach the weight of some of the Kenyans.  I was trying to up the food intake, but sometimes I didn’t know when I was burning muscle, as I ignored pain easily – so I kept adding the mileage.  This also hurt my stride, as many proper trained nuero muscle motors went missing.


As you can see how my stride fell apart, Bessy on the left with good stride, me power walking on the right

Taper time I still didn’t think the lack of glycogen storage would hurt me – I enjoy a low carb diet.  Race day this meant I would have to rely on Gels, and early.  I started off at P.R. pace, but like Bessy did earlier this year, I was not feeling the need to eat and missed the appropriate time to intake the gel in order to maintain pace.  At the 10k mark Bessy already passed me, then all the other folks I knew.  I just held down like a rocket fizzling… remembering the true intent for me in this trip is the camaraderie  to see all people I knew and are friends with push their best, which in the end they all did accomplish!  Bessy hit a PR of 3:02, and I held on to goal D.  Now its time to recover mentally and physically and take these lessons forward.


Everyone did well so that made me happy

De über life

We have set ourselves free!  This done by selling our car – to live the car free life style. No more the guilt over our heads of supporting oil based wars. Done the stress of gas prices, maintenance, insurance, taxes, repairs (blown head gasket was the twist of the dagger).  Un-conforming to the modern made American dream that “you NEED to have a car” – in order to get a job, get food, find a significant other.  This dream creating the illusion of ownership when the reality is most people don’t own their cars, the bank does.

This car did have many great stories of adventures with us, but also did carry a scarlet letter on it when originally purchased.  Bessy had a job where you drive together to locations far off to work.  In order to climb the corporate ladder, you recruit people on a team you want to grow – somewhat of a pyramid scheme gig.  These people, who don’t make much, somehow need transport.

So the mental drive to grow the company programs in your head – led to the decision to buy a four seat car.  Originally Roger wanted a smart car, fuel and space efficient two seater.  Eventually Bessy did find better job.  So somewhat of a lesson learned here, be wary of centering your life around a particular job (such as this car purchase).  We still kept the car, but as its known a car is a money pit, and the repairs it needed where beyond the value worth of keeping it as usage is so low.

Fortunately, we were exposed to the car free life living two years in bike / train friendly Holland.  When we first moved there yes I (Roger) was shocked at the deprogramming needed to free myself from the car centric and materialistic lifestyle.  I was in the deep – driving since 16, getting into the car scene when the Fast and Furious movies came out.  I worked myself up to a twin turbo dodge stealth – a top gun car at its time.


It was my daily driver, and that was a fatal error when I was building the power up.  Eventually it gave out with the large turbos I added.  I put my heart and soul into it, yet it was a time to learn to let go.  Still living in Connecticut, a car was needed thanks to the infrastructure.  So I am not totally going to hate on cars, because I probably would have never met Bessy!

No regrets, of the former life.  If anything it makes me appreciate where I am.  This also makes me excited for this new life, as we are on a verge of change thanks to technology – Uber/Lyft being so cheap in urban areas.  The transition phase is occurring with cars to be automated / driverless.  It is good to be ahead in the emerging trends.

Alaska(Woah)Man: The Race

alaskaman photo

Photo by Eric Wynn

Jessica is an experienced ultra-triathlete (2016 UltraMan Florida winner, multiple time Ironman finisher, Escape from Alcatraz with NO WETSUIT finisher, marathoner, etc). Jessica is a member of Triathlon Club of San Diego, known for her strong swimming background and busy schedule as a married General Surgeon.  She invited me to join her in the inaugural AlaskaMan Extreme Triathlon as her support volunteer which is mandatory for the swim/bike aid and trail run pacer. My initial reaction… “Wait, you’re asking ME?? Why, how hard is this??”


Total Registered: 307
Did Not Start (DNS): 108 (35%)
Started: 198 (65%)
Did Not Finish (DNF): 41 (20% of those that started)
Finished: 157 (80% of those that started)
Avg Male Finisher Age: 44    Avg
 Female Finisher Age: 39


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“Amphibian” 4th of July Double


Coronado Island is the home of the Amphibious military base with a variety of terrain and water for the soldiers to train in.  The 4th of July in Coronado, CA creates a unique setting to swim in the ocean and run on the flat scenic roads all before the parade at 11am.  Since parking is limited those interested in the “double race” park in residential areas or at Central Beach, and bike over to the run. [Note: Living just a casual 20 mile bike ride away through the SouthBay Bikeway, we left our car at home altogether.]

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Will you join me?

Whatever you feel you do not like or are interested in, is based on past experiences of personal trauma, rumors, apathy, laziness, or other excuses. Meeting someone new is a way to restart memories about yourself and approaching certain ideas with a new perspective.  More important than WHAT the activity that your boyfriend/girlfriend/friend wants to do really just means, would you PREFER his/her company?

If the Friend Asks: Do I want to do XYZ outside?

My Instinctive Answer: No, not really, definitely not. I want to sit on the couch all day, binge watch everything, eat fried chicken & Zebra cakes!

What the Friend is REALLY saying: Will you join me? Will you support me in this goal to improve my character? If you believe in me, I will believe in myself.

What my answer is REALLY saying: What I feel is more important than what you feel, I’d be perfectly happy if I don’t see you for the entire day.

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