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The unusual high heat in July & idle weeks before the new training block kicks into gear has drained me, mostly psychologically.
I reasoned the ideal way to take advantage of this lul was to “recover” my adrenaline & avoid heat by just straight up on purpose sleeping in.  I intentionally did not exercise for 3 weeks & I loved it lol.  Isolation and hibernation is intact even if you’re still going to work.  Isolation and Hibernation is addicting because there’s a pit of selfishness and laziness that feeds itself.  I thought I felt super calm, relaxed maybe even happy within me… but whenever I faced any external situation caused by someone else it felt like their character flaws were chipping on my glasshouse of calmness.  These chips frustrated me instantly before I could even react to them.  Really I was just counting stuff I wanted to control… that were all outside of me. The reality folks is that a person can only control what’s within and her OWN behaviors & habits… not other people’s actions.

I noticed I complained about everything I saw, noticed every little thing at home, at work; I was not able to restrain myself from nagging, ranting. It’s not a pleasant situation to be convincing myself that I’m the calm one that can better control everything, and everyone else is just trying to irritate me. LOL

I had not recognized this connection before between my habits of self-control being able to directly impact my unrestrainable self-proclaimed control I was expecting others to obey from husband to colleagues to baristas to people in the community.  The avenue that highlights any lingering imbalance between self-control vs. expecting control of others is obviously unlike any other resonsibility requires effort by only you – exercise.  Daily intentional movement keeps me aware of my choices, puts my attitude into humble perspective & reminds me I’m a human that needs maintenance.

Now I will be able to identify the formation of a glasshouse, that shelters me from getting outside my comfort zone the “4 corners of being” while noticing everyone else’s obvious “problems”. No I wasn’t tired, I had slept enough. No I wasn’t PMSing. No I wasn’t depressed or stressed out. And No, no one had been instigating to irritate me, people were not really doing anything differently at all.

I did not like feeling this irritation but disatisfaction doesn’t change itself.  Convincing myself that I can maintain my isolation and hibernation within my glasshouse, feeling calm and still making other people seem more bearable… that’s a lie. A glasshouse gives a false sense of control and complacency of the 4 corners of being: Food, Time, Body, Mind.

How can I demonstrate actual control of my 4 corners of being?

1) Food: Setup a simple menu & buy groceries for the whole week. Prep for 3 days, then 3 days.  Plan meals to fuel the next day, plan when to eat!  Hearty post-exercise breakfast (drinkable if realistic), lunch, snack, water!, dinner. It’s a symbol of no self-control & poor self-care to starve yourself past these essential meals then binge eat whatever you find at a convenience store. The day’s food is more essential than shoes or hairstyle, yet so many women put less care into planning food…?

2) Time declutter your junk: organize all your stuff! Clear out what isn’t used or needed. Ask for help if possible, support is priceless.

3) Body: Be open minded & explore different types of exercises! Have fun with it! Once you find an exercise(s) that you enjoy, is convenient & can be challenged, will keep it interesting. Make a goal to maintain for 2 wks, 30 days, 60 – 90 days, then maybe add specific benchmarks onto your project.

4) Mind: “Take” in supplements daily for your spirit. Reading, research projects, crafts, singing, dance, prayer, discussions then take the time to process them & arrange for action plan.

List people to make peace with & take first step.

A glasshouse is only sheltering myself from my real personality, that is motivated by love and respect for others’ well-being as myself.

We are human beings, and being human means we must sweat.

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